I'm almost crying right now
Yes. Dear god yes. Please attempt to extract some of your common sense and inject it into others. I've worked with a lot of VAs over the years, many of them very talented, and may more who do all the things you've parodied here.
But even if this was a kind of rant of yours, it speaks to your talent. The recording is very crisp, and you demonstrate a great range, even if you are trying to mock the methods used. Now that I've heard the 'wrong way' to do all these things, I'm very curious to here you do them the 'right way.'